So the year 2010 has its end approaching.
Like all happy tales, it has to have an end.

On a side note, past few weeks were great; attachments, catching-up sessions with friends who yearn to meet ever since we took different paths at the end of secondary school.
Trajectories didn't cross simultaneously, so it was essential to do so.
This social protocol is even more so manifested when it comes to working life.
Where, through my attachment experience, it brings so much satisfaction just to meet old friends in person.
Ironically, I didn't had the luxury of time to blog about them despite how "inspirational" some of them were.
So here's a picture to make up for the apparent void:



Of course, I didn't only had one social gathering this month (despite how some of you might perceive I would have).
This is just one outstanding one.

I'm not sure if I did a similar post regarding resolutions last year, but I certainly do remember some striking ones -- be it fulfilled or not.
Disclaimer: Please do not interpret this list as a form of bragging.. Haha, it isn't meant to be.
It serves to highlight the importance of aiming high and ultimately falling low, if it happens.

Top 5% of cohort: [x]
Top 5% for Chemistry: [x]
Top 5% for Biology: [x]
Top 5% for Mathematics: [ ]
Top 10% for whatever contrasting subject I would take (i.e. Economics): [x]
Top 10% for GP: [ ]
Get into Temasek Internship Programme (Medicine-related): [x]
Get into Mazarin: [x]
Have a personal laptop: [x]
Have a display cabinet for Pokemon Collection: [x]
Remain single yet unavailable: [x]
Remain KPop-free: [ ]
Remain Twitter-free: [ ]
Remain Silver for NAPFA test: [ ]
Break free from the 'love-cycle': [x]
Prevent eyesight from worsening: [ ]

On hindsight, my 1st year at TJ wasn't as good as I hoped it would be.
With that said, year 2 would definitely be better.

Shall list a few resolutions for 2011:
Achieve top 3 (in terms of rank points (i.e. 80, 78.75 or 77.5, not position-wise) of cohort.
Silver for NAPFA.
Memorable 18th birthday (cos I can't remember how I celebrated my 17th this year).

Not much, and not that specific.
Through this year, I came to realise that over time resolutions (especially New Year's) change when perspectives about life and almost everything about it change.
Maybe that is why I didn't include: "Maintain this blog" in 2011's resolutions.
Then again, there is reason to take comfort; shall leave this blog as a 'time capsule' and make known that I will shift my attention (that which was once channeled here) to Twitter instead.

Like all good things, the post (and the blog) has come to an end.
May 2011 be a fulfilling year for you, dear reader.

The adage, "let nature take its course", is sometimes so easily and superficially applied in different contexts that I grew skeptical towards it.
Why should we allow nature steer us in one path when what we desire may not actually come to past by the road we take?
Wrong.

There are relevant case studies and research that has proven our innate nature to seek control. But I shall not cite them; as a reader you can't really deny it.
The more power we yield, the more control we yearn.

As more of these things go beyond my circumference of control, I reflect and find myself wallowing in sorrow.
Should I desire, I conceive & execute plans, after plans, after plans... and end up achieving the goal, if not considerably close to it; satisfaction indeed.

But my theory couldn't be applied just everywhere.
Some theories just don't stand all the time.
This is unlike subatomic particles; we don't see them, yet they are there.
The more I sought to control, the more I lost control of myself.

In retrospect, I find myself feeling ashamed.
I shouldn't be doing this and let nature take its course instead.
Do I question my part-alien-semblance and doubt the alternative hypothesis; that it could be due to the effect of hormones and neurotransmitters, bathing my amygdala and hypothalamus that resulted in impetuosity?



I have been flying high, in a highly ambitious bid to reach cloud nine.
And it's about time to come back down; that attempts to control should cease to exist.

I didn't impose a personal limit by how much can I waver between the 2 paths.
That resulted in my splurging on impracticality, struggling to be clear on my resolve.
Thankfully I've found the lid that fits the bottle.

Now on a side note, my laptop has arrived (criticised, promoted, praised, named -- all it has gone through after I burnt a hole in my pocket).
Thereby proceeding with my plans.
Quite a number of passwords have been changed and wallpapers substituted.

The laptop is quite an essential tool in my utopia construction.
As I shape something that seems like my 'own world' to live in and shut people out, I inevitably find myself being shut in.

But yes, before I truly come to sense and deduce conclusions about my proposed plan, my mind has to be subjected to activities that aids me to retrieve back my clearer state.

Admittedly, some things are just in a mess and I find myself with an inability to deal with them all.
So.... I guess there is a plan.
Shall proceed on with the upcoming retreat -- no social networks, mobile phones; no friends per se.
Till then.

I'm a man of my words; I honour them.
2011 will be a better year for the two of us; and all those around us.
And this is the only path that is laid in front of me
I gladly take it.
Thank you, Lord.

Sometimes, the feeling of knowing much gets translated into knowing little.

Yup, random late night muse.
Reason for this post is attributed by 2 primary factors:
I have not blogged for quite a while and my hair is still wet.

I still can't get my answer to the question why does my brain work quite differently in the late night to the extent that I can give this self-diagnosis?
But yes, it's good to be back here sharing my random thoughts.

Back to the first statement.
How paradoxical it seems.

Upon processing it, your mind pictures yourself in a situation (say event E).
You wonder my above statement applies to E.
Of course it goes both ways; if one bothers to take time, that is, to find another event (E') that doesn't reflect the truth behind the above statement.

Recently at CGH (Thank God it ended this Friday), able to answer most of the questions, I did display some background knowledge of a particular medical field.
Upon many reflections and today's service at TTSH, the urge to know even more naturally comes -- and that's when I feel I know too little
(obviously, I have not taken Medicine course yet).

That being said, the statement applies to me more often than it does not.

Why am I sharing such stuffs about events orbiting around me in the first place?
Does it not promote solipsism or narcissism?

How ironic it seems, then, that most of what I'm doing for actually involves you (alongside with others, of course).
When it usually seems that a 'selfish' me is 'working like a lone ranger', do not the fruits of labour later be shared generously among my loved ones?
Even so, with you, having a considerably large serving?

Yes, so phases of new cycles emerge; Christmas is here and preparing gifts is inevitable.
An example of a cycle? Friend A buys me a gift and it imposes an obligation of reciprocity. This cycle repeats for many years and for many friends.

Well, not for me, I guess.

My hair is no longer wet.
Time to visit dreamland once again and learn more from it.

It's a long road indeed.
This long journey, wrought with trials and glimpses of promising yet deceiving prospects, is one which I gladly take.

So today's A-level GP had quite a face-lift.
A compulsion to work even harder for GP.
After all, it is the only subject that allows me to channel my opinion without (much) restraints.
Given that is is a language paper, besides Chinese.
Then again... I don't think chinese is an effective medium to communicate my thoughts through.
Good riddance.

Am grateful that I secured a long attachment at TTSH.
(Yes yes, busy me..)
It'll be a great exposure to the field of surgery -- enlightenment.
After all, it's just a matter of time when it comes to considering my prospects carefully.

Yes, there are long roads ahead.
Some of which I'll sprint; some of which I'll walk, stay status quo and perhaps retreat.
But this is different: It's a marathon.

I've stretched my parameters; but not explored the full potential.
Instead, I've made it lay dormant; slipping back into its previously proviral state.

Back from TTSH.

Yes, after OP's over, it's a whole new race to run.

Immensely surreal, I couldn't have imagined at all.
There is a longing, only you can fill.
A raging tempest, only you can still.
I've been deeply inspired once again.

Thank God.
I've made peace with some of the mess I created internally.

This whole new race will be quite re-defining.
Suddenly, the anticipation of 2011 to have a number of breakthroughs that pale in comparison to that of this year's just came.

I will continue running, possibly start flying; in this seemingly endless and mindless dream.
Till I reach cloud 9, I can't find any reason to stop.